🇬🇧 Do clothes define who we are?

Do clothes define who we are? Do clothes define our sexuality?

I am Nycka Nunes, visual artist and photographer, and on this blog I write about different subjects, whether or not related to my work as an artist.

Who we are is something defined from birth. Our appearance is closely linked to our personality, which is why we are all different. We commonly repress our personality to please our parents, family, society, to feel accepted. The process of self-knowledge is the way to recover our identity, connecting us to our true Self. Repressing is not changing. It's starting to live like a character, unable to be true to yourself because other people's opinions are your priority.

That's why I think it's silly for parents to raise children based on gender stereotypes and other prejudices. Children are the way they are and parental prejudices will not change that. They will only leave their children insecure, repressed, perhaps sick. Just like any other relationship, a healthy relationship between parents and children involves accepting the other as they are, establishing personal limits (and not absolute truths), respecting the other's limits, etc.

We are born naked and our sexual orientation comes from birth. I often say that if sexual orientation were a choice, everyone would choose to be bisexual, as it greatly expands the scope for choosing partners. Furthermore, when it comes to sex in practice, we are usually naked, and this does not change our sexuality. And, when we are dressed, no matter what we wear, it has been with us since birth, it is not changing our clothes that will change what and who attracts us.

I am bisexual. From 18 to 31 I always dressed sexy, but always looking for a unique sensuality, an unusual appearance. I like being different. Anyone seeing what I wore before living in Curitiba would judge me as a heterosexual woman. And at this stage I had relationships with men without really liking them, much more to try to meet my family's expectations than my needs. I dressed sexy because I see myself as an attractive person, yes. And also as a form of protest for all the repression I suffered from my maternal family during my adolescence. A way to enhance my sensuality. But it was also a disguise for my bisexuality, as masculine elements were subtle in my style. And yet, bisexuality has not ceased to exist. If clothes defined our sexuality, it would change depending on what we wear, and disappear when we are naked.

In Curitiba, as it has a much colder climate, I started to take on a more androgynous look than before. Before, I already liked some masculine elements in the look, but it was much more subtle. I continued to love having a more different style and anyone who has followed my profiles on social media since that time knows how much I criticised Curitiba for years because it was impossible to find colourful clothes in the city. It seems to have worked, because after a few years the stores started to have more options for those who didn't just want neutral colours and pastel tones. At this stage I started to respect myself more, seeking to express my wants and needs more in relationships. And then came the phase of deeper self-knowledge, the healing of traumas, the break with family members who spent their lives criticising me and also with other people close to me who tried to force me to live according to their values.

There is a big difference between accepting differences and tolerating intolerant and disrespectful people in our lives.

Clothes are non-verbal communication tools. Understanding what we transmit when making each choice and our motivations for making them can contribute a lot to the process of self-knowledge. They do not define our personality or our sexuality, but they are a portrait of our self-image at the moment we choose to coordinate those pants, that shirt, those shoes and those accessories or any other clothes and accessories that we choose daily.

What do you think about the subject?

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Nycka Nunes